Lobbyist Papers

Response to zombie bills
Emmett Wester
This morning I awoke to vicious, blood-curdling screams. I bolted to an upright position in my bed, smashing my head into the bunk above me. At this point, I was extremely disoriented, and rolled out of bed, cursing under my breath. As I came to my senses I realized that the screams, which were emanating from outside the barracks building, were actually parts of somewhat coherent speech, and what I heard turned my blood cold. “ZOMBIES!!! RUN!!! ZOMBIES!!!” Out of instinct I snatched my cricket bat from under my pillow, quickly pulled some pants on over my polka-dot boxers,and ran for the door. But as I ran, I remembered that zombies don’t actually exist, except for in fictional movies, and the minds of immature, delusional people. I thought to myself, “Who could possibly believe that zombies could actually exist? People who believe in something as ridiculous as zombies probably believe in something like the idea that the romantic fantasies of the movie and book series “Twilight” could actually exist too… Man, I feel sorry for those poor ignorant souls.” And when I arrived at the door I saw that my friends had merely made some extremely crude mannequins out of saran-wrap and tape, and several people actually thought they looked like zombies and were freaking out,as my friends rolled on the ground in laughter. Ironically, the second I arrived shirtless in the open doorway, my hair flowing in the wind, the screams of terror turned to screams of delight.

Taylor Holter
Hockey as the state sport of Montana is not a verygood idea. It is a sport where six people get padded up just to go skate around on ice, knocking each other over, just to get puck into a net. Hockey is believed to be evolved from British field sports, so we should let the people keep it. It is also often affiliated with Canada, so we shouldn’t try and steal it from them.
The fights in hockey are sometimes cool and fun to watch, but that still doesn’t mean we should steal it.Plus volleyball is the best sport ever!Changing the State Sport


3.Response to zombie bills

Ben Adams

There is a very interesting outbreak of a certain type of legislature this year. There are several bills concerning zombies, which is a strange thing for legislation to be written concerning. Why would people write laws about zombies because there is no reason to write legislature about controlling an outbreak that will never happen?Once tissues and organs die, they don’t come back. Also, zombies DON’T EXIST…at all. These bills are an extraordinary waste of state funds. Why waste time and money preparing for something of fairytale?


1.Opinion on Zombie Bills
This year I have noticed an influx of zombie related bills, which I have found to be rather ridiculous. It seems as though people these days are spending too much time playing video games such as “Left 4 Dead” and “Nazi Zombies”. Instead we should be out doing something active, so in the highly improbably event of a zombie attack we are fit enough to fight. The last thing this country needs in another excuse to play video games.

Jason Rogers
Cloned Monkeys
I have a dream, that people can one day live in peace, knowing that they are guarded by a super race of cloned monkeys. These monkey beasts will be trained to do the dirty deeds of war. Funding for our super race of cloned monkeys will come from a large increase in taxes and also from the general fund. By having this fundamental increase in scientific research in the state of Montana, we can continue to prosper in this American economy.With the help and the funding from the American people we can turn this dream into a reality. And make life much more enjoyable and comfortable far the people.