Single Ads

Will K

Will is a single man looking for some love! He claims to be a former child star from the TV show Barney and Friends (Capital Times cannot confirm the validity of that statement).  When asked what his best trait was, Will said that it was the fact that he has adopted 13 orphans and also the fact that he has a rather large house. The ideal woman for Will would be one who is a good cook, and especially good at making sandwiches, as well as a good housekeeper, and “childbearing”. When pressed by reporters to reveal his sexiest talent, Will bashfully revealed that he can fit 16 marshmallows into his mouth. What a catch!

Boyd J

Boyd is a Supreme Court Justice who is “single and ready to tingle”. The traits which make Boyd the best bachelor around are his athletic ability, his stunning good looks, and his great charm. Hopefully that charm will help him is his bid this year as Lieutenant Governor.  Boyd’s ideal woman would be a great housekeeper. She would also be an excellent mother to his 27 children, and “decent looking at best”. As we can all see, he is quite a catch. Boyd says his ideal first date would be underwater basket weaving. Look out Ladies!

Josh H

When asked what his best traits were, the usually eloquent Josh had to pause for a moment. “There are just so many…..” he said thoughtfully. However he eventually decided that his ability to hunt and kill Sasquatches was definitely what made him a keeper. His seven senses also make him unique and desirable. Not only does Josh have the standard five senses, he also has a spider sense and can “see dead people”. The single sexiest thing about Josh though is not his supernatural senses, nor his ability to hunt mythical beasts, but his skills in making a mean bratwurst.  Josh is looking for a lady who is a good listener, neat, and not annoying.  If you were lucky enough to score a date with Josh, he says that he would most likely take the lucky lady to hunt Sasquatch in the Swiss Alps. After interviewing Josh, this reporter can only marvel at the fact that he is still single.

Gabe C

Gabe prefers to think of himself as smart, handsome, and knows how to have a good time. His ideal lady would be attractive, smart, funny. Gabe is currently campaigning, alongside Boyd Jenne, to be Governor and he says that his ideal lady would vote for him.  Gabe’s idea of a perfect first date would be watching a sunset on the roof of a Jeep.  Gabe would also like to let the ladies know that he is “very confident and opinionated, yet open minded.”