As
we walked into the capital this morning, we were approached by the Secretary of
State. He was panting and had a look of
distress… his sack of goodies had been stolen!
Immediately we began questioning the flustered official. Last night, the honorable John Barlow left a
grocery bag containing a loaf of whole wheat sugar free bread, a new tub of
humus and a single banana, from his supposedly secure office. We couldn’t help but wonder, if his office
wasn’t secure against food thieves, then how were the valuable bills safe? John Barlow adamantly defended that under his
watch the bills were safe. He values the
groceries at $11.25.
As investigative reporters, we
turned to one of Secretary Barlow’s closest confidants, Governor Monte
Cole. But the Governor had troubles of
his own. “Pam” the Governor’s pamelo had
also been snatched in the night. In an
official press release, the cabinet as a whole stated “Pam was very dear to
us. Her abduction from the windowsill
was a complete surprise, and we are very concerned about her safety. She was a very good smelling fruit, and was
the symbol of our executive office.”
Monte Cole also expressed possible connection to Barlow’s missing
sack. The case was turning into a
conspiracy.
Next we arrived at back at Barlow’s
office to fill him in on how the case was unraveling. He was shocked to learn about Pam, the
pamelo, he too had been very fond of her.
Back at the Governors office, new light had been shed. A note, written in pink pen, containing a
ransom for Pam was received by the Cabinet, “If you ever want to see Pam again,
you must walk around sockless all day, or she will be eaten by 3:00.” Governor Cole refused to go sockless and was
pressured by the Cabinet to do so and regain the errant Pam.
After hours of research,
interrogation, and complications from the Senate, we were lead off the Senate
Floor and to committee rooms. Down in
room 137A we spotted the fruit! The
members of Senate Committee on Business and Taxation, had walked in on a pamelo
at a spot previously occupied by Sean Downey.
Wisely, committee members called the press and waited outside the room
until the suspect, Sean Downey, was found and brought to the committee
room. Sean denied involvement and picked
up the pamelo. A look of indecision
crossed his face. He was annoyed and
approached the window and attempted to open it.
He stated his intent was to throw the pamelo out the window. He could not budge the window and decided to
give the pamelo to the press to escort to governor Monte Cole. “She still smells wonderful” Monte sobbed as
he held his pamelo in his arms. The case
for Pam had been solved, but what of Barlow’s groceries?
When the Senate reconvened, an
anonymous tip came to the press concerning Downey. Downey was in possession of an unclaimed
grocery bag, containing staples not unlike John Barlow’s. We took John Barlow to the Senate floor to
find his grocery bag next to Sean Downey’s seat. Sean said that it was formerly in his
seat. He denied knowledge or possession
of such items.
We thought the case was closed and
we went to celebrate with the Governor and Secretary of State. But, new facts kept pouring in. Governor’s Cabinet member Emily Seamons
received a note about the pamelo scandal.
“You’re not holding the real Pam.
Bring your grapefruit to lunch & we’ll give you Pam. Otherwise, She rots.” the not was signed “-- not Sean”, but this
time, the not was written in blue pen.
Seamons also recognized the handwriting as Sean’s. The Cabinet disregarded the note’s
bluff. They knew Pam well enough to know
that they had the real one.
Later
we were alerted that Pam was again reported missing in the Cabinet office. This was found to be a sick joke by Paris
Hilton lobbyists Hope and Jenna who hid her in one of their purses. The Capital Conspiracy had been solved. Pam was eaten by the Governor and his Cabinet
at 2:05 PM this afternoon...
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