Communists on Trial

As most of you know, the Super Dance Party Party has recently changed its name to the Hammer and Sickle Party, and apparently some kids are unhappy about it. Calling themselves the “Joint Select Committee on Treason, Espionage, and Assassination,” many people summoned H&S key party members to appear before them in a mock trial. Then, after being sworn in on the Bible App on their smartphones (regardless of their religious affiliation), Daniel Peters, Mitch Black, Logan Schuelke, Noah Johnston, Jake Heard, and Erin Olivieri were accused of being communists and attempted kidnapping of the gov-ernor. The committee then went on to expel all of those who were not subpoenaed, except the press (thank goodness). The accused were then robbed of their right to council and their right to free speech in front of the committee, who claimed that they were al-lowed to do that because the H&S party is an “imminent threat to the government’s security.” Thankfully, Governor Mogen stood up chivalrously and blatantly stated that the H&S party had nothing to do with his attempted kidnapping. When asked for comment on the H&S party, Governor Mogen said, “It’s their right to exercise freedom of speech…As long as they don’t do anything offensive I’m cool with it.”
Mitch Black had no problem with being called a communist though, and when he was asked whether or not he was involved in such slanderous activities he simply replied, “Absolutely!” Noah Johnston and Dan Peters on the other hand felt that it was more like caring for the working class (proletariats). One Sienna Mark testified that the H&S party was using proletarian fists and communism symbolism to vote on things. Certain committee members were even sent anonymous death threats; others were sent equally threatening things. In fact, Austin Finch’s interrogation was interrupted when a page delivered him a message asking whether or not he had a girlfriend (While I’m not allowed to disclose the answer, I may tell you that it rhymes with go). When asked for his opinion on the H&S party, Austin Finch said, “I think they have the right idea, but they are going about it the wrong way.” Gabe Chilson could not have been more agitated and said, “It was strange and kind of a waste of time.” Sadly, the interrogation of the prisoners was cut short when all house members were summoned to the chambers. When the excitement died down, I was able to ask the Butte kids Logan Schuelke, Dan Peters, Erin Olivieri, Noah Johnston and Mitch Black for a comment. Logan stated that “You have no proof,” Mitch could not have been more contradicting and said, “You absolutely have proof!” with a saucy wink, Erin claimed “I’m still clean!” Dan simply stated, “From Russia with love.” And Noah went on a long-winded explanation that boiled down to “It [the trial] was a pretty manipulative attempt to distort reality and marginalize a powerful third party and its candidates.”